Huge Bump in the Road – Week #13

Saying that I have come across a huge bump in the road is actually an under statement.  However, I am at a loss for any other way to describe my past 3 1/2 weeks. Go to fullsize image

Let’s begin with the fall my Mom took in her apartment on December 20th which required hospitalization and staples in her head.  She was taking by ambulance to the hospital treated and admitted.  Mom had been living alone and independently up to this point.  But my siblings and I were slapped into reality that she could no longer continue to do so for her safety and if we allowed her to continue in that environment we were not being the responsible people she raised us to be. 

Go to fullsize imageMaking the decision to place Mom in a nursing home was one of the most heart wrenching decisions I have ever had to be faced with.  I had taken care of Mom for the past 23 years, which included 18 years of her living with me and my family.  Although my mind knew that we were doing the best thing for Mom, because we couldn’t give her the kind of care she needed, it was very difficult for my heart to catch up with that decision.  Actually, I am not sure that it ever did.  So on December 20 Mom was transferred from the hospital to the nursing home.  She excepted the move, understood the need for it and never for a minute did she ever meet us with resistance.  But that was Mom for ever making sure she was making things easier for us.  We hung pictures, brought in things from her apartment to make her room at the nursing home as much like “home” for her as we possibly could.  Mom even committed to the staff, “Look the kids have made this so nice for me, I will be fine here”.

On December 24 Mom became ill and she was transferred back to the hospital on December 25.  Upon her admission we found that Mom had a small intestine bowel obstruction.  However, she was not a candidate for surgery because of her age, other health issues and her weakened state. Over the past 18 months Mom lost 67 lbs. and she was severely dehydrated.  Within 12 hours of her readmission to the hospital she was in renal failure, her kidneys had shut down.  Early in the morning on December 28 Mom passed away very peacefully and with my sister, my niece and me by her side.

I had always said I didn’t think when Moms’ time came that I would be able to stay with her while she passed.  It is very difficult to explain, but there was no way I could have ever been anywhere else.  It was through the strength that Mom had raised me with, her love and support that enabled me to be there.

Go to fullsize imageSo I have been forced to Persist until I succeed.  As difficult as it has been, I have no other choice.  I am told that the pain will lessen with time, that I will have to wait and see about.  All I know is that my world and my life will never be the same again.  I was truly blest to have Mom for almost 50 years before she was taken.

If there are people and loved ones in your life, please make sure they know how you feel about them.  Don’t leave things unsaid or assume that they know how you feel.  Time with loved ones is so very precious never take one second for granted.

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Trying Times- Week #12

What a week! Am glad to have this one behind me, or I think that I am. The next few weeks may be more challenging, trying, and difficult than the past 5 days have been; only time will tell me the answer to that question. But, “I will persist until I succeed. I will win”.

My life has been much like that of the youngBold Taurus Bull Symbol - Royalty Free Clipart Picture bull in the arena. At every turn there was a lance waiting to prick at both my heHeart : Do you love me ?. Heart shaped two questions marks, isolated on white Stock Photoart and my soul. How would my bravery be rated? How many times would I be able to “charge” in spite of the sting deep within my soul? “I will persist until I succeed. I will win”.

Obstacles : A yellow diamond-shaped road sign cautions people that rough roads are aheadThere are times we all must face some of life’s most difficult decision, whether those decisions are for ourselves or for a loved one. Every obstacle I encounter is merely a detour to my goals. My current goal: having to do what is best for my Mom, her care, her well-being, and her safety. “I will persist until I succeed. I will win”.

Scroll III has reminded me constantly that there are times that truly all we can do is place one foot ahead of the next. Taking things one step at a time doesn’t make the journey seem so impossible. By exhibiting this behavior and relying on the things that the MKMMA course and The Greatest Salesman in the World has taught about life, persistence, and love I have been able to drastically reduce the usage of the words quit, cannot, unable, impossible, out of the questions, improbable, failure, unworkable, hopeless and retreat. They have not been completely removed . . . . YET, but they will be!

“I will persist until I succeed. I will win”.

It is through the example that Mom has set for me her entire life that I know no matter how difficult the choice, painful the decission, or over whelming the sadness I must always Persist Until  I Succeed.

Amazing Continued – Week #11

As a result of the MKMMA program this is the first that I have actually allowed myself to verbalize my deepest dreams; you know the ones that I am talking about.  The ones that we want for ourselves but are afraid to say out loud, especially to family – because those are the very people we care what they think about us the most, the same ones that we can’t stand to think that we have disappointed them even the slightest bit.   What if we don’t achieve those dreams, will I be viewed as a failure? What will people think of me?   

I can now, without hesitation and with determination, say I will persist until I succeed. I have paired myself with a wonderful partner who will keep me honest to myself! I will persist until I succeed.

Amazing – Week #11

As I have just finished our weekly MKMMA webinar I am once again amazed that Mark & Davene have been able to touch up things that were occurring for me and around me that I wasn’t quite sure of, or didn’t quite understand.  I ended the webinar understanding that this is the point that those types of things usually happen.  

Thank you both for believing in me during the times that I didn’t think that I believed in myself.  For helping me realize my dreams, put into motion the actions necessary to achieve those dreams and to understand that no dream is too big to dream, especially when it is backed by burning desire.

More later in the week . . . . .

Soaring with Eagles! Week #10

Many, many, many years ago I allowed myself to believe in me, even when others didn’t I still did.  The problem was discovering the pathGive Way/Stop Sign - ROUNDABOUT  that would lead me to my dreams.   After years of looking for the right path and I truly do believe that all things in life are stepping-stones to getting to where we need or where we are destined to be, there wasn’t a path yet made.  I was simply more like a crazed dog chasing his own tail.    I rather needed to – go where there was no path and not be afraid to create my own.  

As I have begun carving and creating my own path I have discovered that the view I now have from soaring with Eagles is much more beautiful, rewarding, appealing, and satisfying than the view I had while flying with the pigeons.   

 May we all continue to soar with the Eagles and may we each have a very blessed flight!   Upward and onward MKMMA Class of 2010.      

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People Never Cease to Amaze Me – Week #9

As I sit and observe people and how they interact with others I am reminded of how they feed off of each other, whether that feeding is negatively or positively.  Case in point, the ladies that I sit near in one of my classes (obviously work together) tend to spend the entire time before class either complaining for being there, or complaining about the others they work with. 

Following the normal routine of entering class and speaking to those present the first class after the Thanksgiving holiday there was no chat of how their holiday was, or how they spent it with family and friends, or the meals that were prepared.  Nope they are right back to the gossiping, complaining, negative energy, and ugliness.  

Wow is that how the previous version of me would have acted, would I have jumped right on the band wagon of that downward spiral?  I would like to think not, but cannot be sure of that answer.  But I can say for sure that the new and improved version of me –the MKMMA version- want no parts of that environment! Amazing how we all have so much power within and yet we never utilize or tap into those powers.  Again, those lyrics from an Eagles song never rang truer for me; “so often it happens that we spend our lives in chains and we never even know we had the key”.

I am so glad that I am on this amazing adventure and continually finding my keys! ! !

Woes Me – Week #8

How can it be after seven weeks of hard work and dedication to rewiring ones brain, firing up their subconscious, and removing all negativity one is still able to allow themselves to slip into a pool of self-pity?   That was exactly what I allowed to happen to me, even still with my new-found knowledge! 

It was a feeling as if I had “fallen off the wagon”.  Then the internal struggle with me began!  “You’ve fallen, it’s easier to stay down, throw in the towel, give it, you have so much going on in your life right now, and your proverbial plate has turned into a platter there is so much on it.  Yeah, I was able to justify it to myself quitting would be okay, not only okay but the answer. 

I’ll be totally honest, because that is the only way I can be, I allowed the “quitter” Vicki to prevail for a while.  And how quickly I discovered I didn’t like that old version of me all that much.  I didn’t like the gal that was looking back at me in the mirror.  I began asking myself some very difficult questions.  Are you just going to quit?  Once I have made a promise whether to myself or someone else I keep my promises.  Why did you start this process to begin with?  Are you going to “settle” for things or are you going to seek to make changes that are within your control?  Are you going to simply go where the wind may take you, assuming there is always a wind to direct you at least to somewhere?  Or are you going to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, stop making excuses, refocus, accept accountability, and get back into this game that is called life? 

I am here to tell you that “I am the captain of my own ship, and Master of my soul” and I am not willing to leave my life to chance.  I want more than that for me, my family and my future!  So for me the moral of my story is, “It’s not how often you fall down, but rather how often you get back up”

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